Since then....

I thought I'd add a post here to catch up on what's happened since I last posted. After travelling around visiting friends across the country, I settled in a wonderful little town just north of San Francisco in Marin County. The town is Fairfax, and I've never seen anything like this place. The community is very loving and supportive of each other, and very close-knit. Though it's small (just 7500 people) and is a quiet little town set in the middle of some of the most majestic and beautiful land in the country, it's still got an urban feel and mentality in some ways. It's barely 30 minutes from San Francisco. I was able to buy a tiny little garden/gift store called The Potting Shed and although it doesn't make much money, I am finally feeling like I've found a new home and something rewarding to do. There is still some buried grief...I can barely think about New Orleans without feeling choked up and very sad. But I love my new home and my new work.

I've been wondering what's wrong with me

I've been trying to figure out what is wrong with me...why I'm feeling the way I do. I'm a positive person, and I see a lot of good that comes out of every situation. I feel that everything that happens to us is an opportunity for growth and learning, and and opportunity for enhancing and improving our lives...no matter how much pain or hurt or disappointment comes from it.

I know I've been depressed. I didn't realize how much this had all affected me till I had a sort of "breakdown" a few weeks ago and had an upsetting experience with family members that I love with all my heart. Ever since then I've been trying to examine what I am feeling, and why I'm feeling it.

But there was something that was eluding me. I've been trying to decide where I want to go next...what I want to do next. Live in Houston near my sister? Live in San Diego near one of the most wonderful friends I've ever had? Live in New York again which is the only city in which I've ever really felt I belonged to something? Stay in Baton Rouge even if it seems boring?

Every few days I change my mind. I'm examining all my options as objectively as I can. I spend time trying to intelligently explore all aspects of each possibility. I sort through what I'd like and what I wouldn't like about each place, trying to separate fantasy from reality. I have been deeply examining my own character and characteristics in an attempt to truly figure out what makes me happy. And I come to some conclusions and feel that I've figured out what I want to do.

Then a few days later, it seems that some other course of action is a better choice.

I know that the processes we all go through after something like this take time. And six months isn't a terribly long time to figure things out, heal and move on. So I'm not giving myself too hard a time. But I've nearly outlived my welcome with my Mom (bless her for her love and patience and understanding). And it's time to make a decision.

So what is it that is eluding me? Why is it that a particular course of action seems to be the right thing to do, then later I feel that it's not at all what I need?

I think that I realized something tonight.

You see, I'd always adored New Orleans. I'd always thought that I'd end up moving back to NOLA, buying one of those beautiful homes, and settling here. Sure, I'd travel a lot to be with friends in all the wonderful cities all over the country and the world that I've lived in and visited. But my home base would be in lovely New Orleans, with the architecture, music and food that I adore. All these years away in all these different cities was just to establish myself as a graphic designer and establish a clientele that I could work for no matter where I was. I've done a pretty damned good job of that, actually. But I always felt that I'd come home to New Orleans. I thought that I had done that, and I thought I had mapped out a future for myself that made sense, in a place I loved.

But that doesn't seem real anymore. Combined with the experience of living in New York city during 911 and seeing such quick destruction of something we all took for granted...then living through Katrina, I realize that I don't feel safe anymore.

I was surprised to realize that. I've never had an attitude like that before. I've never been fearful of much of anything, actually.

Maybe that's why I stayed at my Mom's for more than 6 months. It's not just that she's my mom...it's her character, her intelligence, compassion and understanding that helped me feel safe. Thank you Mom.

But it's more than that. When I look through ads for apartments in the different cities, they all look like they could blow or float away easily. When I think of buying new furniture, new kitchen appliances, new curtains, rugs and decorative stuff...I feel like those things are pointless because they can be destroyed within the space of a few minute's time. And if not destroyed, looted as soon as you turn your back. To see everything everybody owned, used every day, and loved reduced to trash not even worth salvaging, really attacks one's sense of reality.

Now, I know that's silly. But I realize that's how I've been feeling. I wondered why I didn't even want to be in New Orleans lately. A good bit of what I loved about New Orleans has survived...the lovely architecture uptown, in the Garden District and in the French Quarter, the New Orleans Jazz Vipers at the Spotted Cat in the Marigny, the hamburgers at Port of Call...and all the rest of the great food. It's all still there, even if just beyond the next street is total devastation. So why do I not want to be there anymore?

The reason I didn't want to be there is that it all seems so fragile now. Like a puff of wind can blow it all away. How can I commit to building a life in a place, when it can be flattened in just a few hours. It doesn't matter where you are. Earthquakes, fires, mudslides, bombs, idiots in airplanes, hurricanes, floods, disease. LOL

I'm not really that paranoid. But what I'm saying is that I finally realized what happened to me. The aftereffects of living through something like Katrina destroyed my sense of permanence of things. It made the entire world seem incredibly fragile and fleeting, and I'm finding it hard to venture out into that world again without feeling like everything I do is just temporary.

And just when I'd about figured out that it is the PEOPLE that mattered, I found out two friends who had cancer, and another that died from some strange disease that I don't know the name of. Well, there go the people too, then.

I know I will adjust my attitude. There are a lot of important spiritual truths that I'm learning now. Things I've always believed but am now really FEELING. Impermanence is one of the natures of the Universe. Change is the only constant that there is. And "going with the flow" leads us through great adventures. I love the adventures.

So I know I will learn to find my "home" within my own heart. Not within any walls or street addresses. And not even that much within the hearts of others. Just in my own heart. I will remember again how to love people and things without being scared of losing them. I'm sure of that.

But right now I feel that all the things I thought made me feel secure are SO fleeting. My home is not with my Mom, sisters can easily end up not wanting to speak to you, and houses and stuff can come and go really fast.

At least now I know what is wrong. And I'll get over it pretty quickly.

Are things really getting done?

A dear friend asked me what was really going on with Katrina down here...are things really getting done? Though there has been a remarkable effort made, I feel that it's only the tiniest fraction of what needs to be done. Here is my response to my friend:

From my viewpoint, things are bogged down with recovering from Katrina. They did some remarkable work cleaning up the less damaged areas in preparation for Mardi Gras. Uptown and the French Quarter look almost normal, except for the trees with about 1/3 the branches they used to have, and the 1/3 to 1/2 of the businesses and homes still sitting empty. But it looks pretty.

As far as the rest of it goes, I don’t see a lot of real progress. The cleanup efforts sort of reached a plateau...i think they have to really address where all the debris is going. They estimate about 50 million cubic yards of debris that needs to be removed. So far, they’ve only removed 6.9 million cubic yards.

They don’t know what to do with people’s homes. It’s a delicate situation, complicated by some stupidity and politics. Right now, they don’t want to rile up people by doing anything drastic, and besides, they have no clue what to do with that land. I guess it’ll end up being decided by whomever has the money.

The main thing that is going to dictate what happens is what will happen with the levees. They claim they’re going to get them to at least the strength they were before Katrina hit, by hurricane season this year. Duh....like that helped much last year. People are very scared of this year’s season. Weather goes in cycles...remember how Florida got pounded year after year?

So I believe the determining factor is what will happen with the levees. If they get funding (and some intellligent decisions) and build the levees up a lot stronger, then I think development will happen.

If they don’t, who knows?

Till then, there are little pockets of areas that are sort of back in business, but thousands of miles of devastation. It’s truly like a war zone down here. In the French Quarter and Uptown, things look good, and they’re hoping some tourism will come back. But just a short distance away, there are areas that have been mainly untouched since the hurricane, and are just covered with debris and languishing and decaying.

Honestly, I don’t think anyone REALLY knows what to do. The obvious, most practical actions would cause a huge uproar.

I predict that it’ll be at least 10 years from now before the area can really be recovered. I recall when I lived in Washington D.C. in the late 80s. Entire blocks of neighborhoods were still sitting untouched after the Martin Luther King riots in 1969. Houses were still burnt out and trashed. And in the Gulf Coast, there are thousands more square miles than there were in D.C.

It’s like someone who has suffered a stroke. They’ll never be the same, and though they can recover to some degree, it’s a long, hard road.

Mardi Gras 2006 pictures

Here are a few images from parades at Mardi Gras in New Orleans this year. I only attended a few parades in the week before Mardi Gras, and the crowds were thin. Even late night in the French Quarter felt a bit barren. But by Friday night of the weekend before Mardi Gras, lots of people had arrived, and the crowds were incredible. There were even thousands of people who were camped out in their flooded homes. It was strange to see devastated neighborhoods that had been abandoned for the past 6 months crawling with people.

Let's see what the next months bring. We hope that Jazz Fest will bring people back to New Orleans as well. This will be a big boost to Mid City since the Fair Grounds (where Jazz Fest is held) are in Mid City...just a couple of blocks from where I lived.



This is my friend Chris. He spent the week in New Orleans and his presence really helped make this a fun week. Spending time with Chris is unique and fun...we'd go from being ridiculously silly to some soul-searching conversations in just moments. Every moment with Chris is a blessing.

Mardi Gras 2006 - more images

More images from Mardi Gras 2006

Everyone Needs to Work

In an article entitled "US Must Step Up Aid for New Orleans" by Happy Johnson, a junior at GeorgeTown University, (http://www.thehoya.com/viewpoint/021406/view5.cfm ), you'll read: "As members of a community with vast resources, if each of us did a little part to make a small but significant difference, then so much could be done."

This is an interesting article with some common-sense statements. But what is the most important word in that sentence?

Community.

Everyone affected by this disaster is part of a community. A community cannot survive without everyone doing their part to contribute. Anyone that wishes to be a member of any community must take responsibility for the privilege of being part of that community.

I feel deeply compassionate for the less fortunate who suffered the loss of what little they may have had. And I support charitable contributions to help them get back on their feet.

But this happened to ALL of us. I also feel deeply compassionate for the wealthy and privileged people.

But every bite of food someone eats, every article of clothing they wear, every car they drive and every place they live, is a result of someone's efforts. So charitable effort without any responsibility should be kept to a minimum. We can all chip in to do what we can to get everyone back into a position where they can work again.

But everyone needs to work.

I don't have sympathy for people who intend to spend month after month, until the handouts end, subsisting on the efforts of others. Every dollar FEMA or the Red Cross, or any other of a huge number of organizations gives to someone, was earned by someone else. When I see thousands of people living in trailer parks, in the homes of others, and in hotels, walking and driving around in new clothes and not making efforts to take care of themselves, I'm not sympathetic to their plight. When I'm in New Orleans and see thousands of jobs available to business owners desparate for workers and willing to pay higher wages than anyone ever saw in that city, I'm not sympathetic to the plight of the able-bodied people who are subsisting off of tax dollars earned by other people and ignoring the availability of jobs. I paid in some of that tax money that FEMA gave them, and I expect them to show responsibility for what they do with it.

If I were King Of The World, I'd decree that all temporary housing and accomodations must have access to jobs (whether it's proximity or transportation), and that anyone who availed themselves of any of that housing MUST work. And if you don't work, you don't get any help from the government. FEMA checks should be imprinted with "Acceptance of this money is contingent on acceptance of your choice of one of the 200,000 jobs listed in the attached document."

To me that sounds not only like common sense, but it's also the natural order of any community. Every element of any type of community in the animal or plant world has its purpose. And any element of those communities who doesn't serve it's purpose ends up not being part of that community in one way or another. Except for human beings. We have for too long supported a lazy segment of our population, and they've begun to act as though they deserve it.

It's six months after the hurricane. Those of you who lost your hotel rooms have recourse. Support yourselves in some way. Go get one of the thousands of jobs available. You can find a place to live and you can find an income. You don't deserve any more or any less than the rest of us deserve.

What do we deserve? A chance. That's all. We deserve a chance to take care of ourselves. Nobody willed this disaster on any of us. People of all socio-economic segments of life suffered losses. Those with more resources are bouncing back more quickly. That's just the nature of things. But everyone affected by this disaster HAS a chance to take care of themselves. That chance is in the form of working to rebuild the Gulf Coast. There's a lot of work, people. Get busy.

Mardi Gras Marathon

Read this article by Associate Press Writer DEVLIN BARRETT, who was a participant in the Mardi Gras Marathon in New Orleans Sunday, February 5, 2006. His reactions are very well written.

Mardi Gras Marathon Puts Its Best Foot Forward

Are Things Getting Back to Normal?

I've been asked that question many times by people from other areas. It's natural for people who aren't in the middle of this area to think that things are getting back to normal. The media doesn't give the rest of the world a real indication of what it's like here.

Is the area getting back to normal?

No.

It will never be the same.

What could possibly be "normal" for a city that was almost 80% destroyed?

Yes, incredible efforts have been made to get the relatively undamaged parts of New Orleans back on its feet. That's very important, since any rebuilding efforts will require the city to have some sort of cashflow. The tourism industry is important. So the French Quarter, Uptown and the Garden District are gearing up for Mardis Gras and the upcoming Jazz Festival.

But even those areas, if you pay attention, are filled with dark, silent shops and houses. There is not enough health care in the city, and even buying simple groceries is hard to do.

New Orleans will survive. And I agree with the optimists who envision an improved city, with less poverty and crime than before. It can be done.

But it will be a lot smaller. The devastated areas can't be repaired. They must be rebuilt, and that doesn't happen overnight. I expect that 50% or more of the area of New Orleans will take years to come back to some sort of life.

Every single person who has visited the destroyed areas of the city says the same thing: "You just have to see it." There are no pictures or videos that can do it justice. You just have to see it.

Life must go on, and the strength of the human spirit is incredible. This event has shown me a side of human nature that I will always cherish. I saw that when I lived in New York during 9/11 and again in these months since Katrina. We survive and we prosper. And I've said this before...it's up to each of us to make good of what happens in our lives. There is a huge amount of good that can come from this.

But normal? No.

Renting in New Orleans Post-Katrina

The rental situation in New Orleans is in such a state of flux right now. So much of the city has been devastated, and apartments and houses are unhinhabitable. In some areas, there are a few habitable houses in some blocks, but the restoration of utilities is very sketchy. The neighborhoods such as the French Quarter, Uptown, and the Garden Districts are the only areas where most homes are liveable. These were already some of the highest rentals in New Orleans pre-Katrina. So even if rental prices hadn't changed, many of the people who wish to come back to the city couldn't afford these places. Students, laborers, hospitality workers, etc. can't afford these rents.

But rentals are skyrocketing in all areas now. I don't believe that's going to stay that way. In fact, I'm worried what will happen in a few months. Right now, apartments are scarce and so many of them are occupied by FEMA workers...who pay whatever rates are being asked. Because there's high demand right now, with a large number of people who'll pay those rents, landlords are charging more. That's natural, and property owners are trying to recoup losses. But some rents are ridiculously high. There are landlords who are really trying to take advantage.

Robin, a displaced resident looking for a place to return to, and lamenting the lack of inclusion of photos of available places, wrote the following ad on Craig's List. I think it eloquently sums up what many people are feeling:

Try to remember that alot of us who are reading these ads are still out of town and can't zip by for a quick look to see what shape your property is truthfully in, or what shape the neighborhood is in. Even a PRE Katrina picture is better than no pics at all, so long as you are candid about it's current condition.

BTW- I would rent from someone with damaged, but functional/safe property, if it has reasonable rent A LOT faster than I would rent to someone with inflated rent (condition surprises, or no). After all, I'm sympathetic to the situation we are all in.

BUT... I personally am not stupid, thank you, and I'm not into being taken advantage of right now. I know you have costs to recover, but that isn't my responsibility just because I want to rent from you.

I don't own the property, you do. (Besides, I have my own problems with FEMA, and my insurance company, and my personal losses etc., without being asked to compensate for yours.)
I CAN pay my rent, and I AM willing to work hard to do it. Isn't that the type of tenant you want?

What I AM into though, is staying in the house for a long time, being a reliable renter, helping to revitalize both your place, and my neighbors' place, and contributing to the wellness of New Orleans.

PLUS, I think I represent alot of the renters out here who want to come home, but are unable to see pictures of what's available, or are running up against these unrealistic rents. We have to make decisions out here in these cities too, in the meantime, and it's a really tough spot to be in. I'd rather see my money going back into New Orleans' economy myself.

What kind of tenant do you REALLY want? It's not all about money you know. Sooner or later, that won't be enough.

A tenant who can genuinely afford the rents I'm seeing in here, at some point, is going to look around themselves, and say, "Hey, I can pay for better", and they WILL leave.

Remember, the shock is wearing off out here. We are thinking more clearly now. You aren't the only property holder in town.

(Oh, and if any of you are, or suspect you soon will be sued for the wrongful eviction of a previous tenant, in order to ask the rent you are asking here, I will find out before paying you, (background checks fly both ways now), so you may as well be candid about that in your ad too.)

Rising Tide

This is a really great book by John M. Barry. It recalls the floods of 1927 in Mississippi and how it affected America. So many of the same issues are repeated today ... from the effects on industry to the lines of division between races. There is SO much that can be learned from this book. It's highly recommended reading. You can take a look by clicking the link in the column to the right on this page.

This photo was found at www.nola.com. The caption read:
Irony at it's best: this was found on top of a book case that had been submerged. All of the papers and books next to it were moldy, but this one was fine.

Mardi Gras

The celebration of Mardi Gras this year is a topic that's causing misplaced controversy. Proponents of Mardis Gras say that people need something to celebrate. Opponents say that it's inappropriate to celebrate so soon after such a tragedy.

If this were purely an emotional issue, I might agree with the opponents. To be honest, I grew tired of Mardi Gras celebrations within an hour or two of my first exposure to it. I tend to prefer quieter people with a little more self control. :-)

However, emotions should not be the deciding factor in this issue. It's irrelevant.

If we want to rebuild New Orleans, the city needs to generate revenue. If a city can't support itself, it can't exist. Do we really think the Federal Government would be eager to throw billions of dollars into an area that can't support itself?

So in my humble opinion, we need to whoop it up and do everything we can to draw record crowds to the Mardi Gras celebrations this year. We need to help the local businesses attract a clientele. Hotels need bookings (what do we think they'll do when FEMA pulls out?), shops needs buyers, restaurants need patrons. The city's coffers to have cashflow.

If we can prove to the Federal Government that New Orleans can rebuild a tourism industry, I think we'd get more funding. We need to prove that this is a place people would want to come. If we can make this year's Mardi Gras celebration a success, I think New Orleans would be taking the first steps toward self sufficiency again.

People are scared to come back right now, whether to live or to vacation. They're worried about health issues, safety, accomodations, etc. This might be a chance to show people that the parts of the city that survived are still worthy of visiting. Perhaps more residents would be willing to come home if the celebrations this year are a success.

For anyone who insists that Mardi Gras celebrations this year should be cancelled ... I say you're asking for a death sentence for the city you say you're supporting. Yes, we need to heal emotionally. Our losses were extreme and we'll carry our sadness with us for the rest of our lives. But we can't sit down in the mud and give up, we need to take the action that will heal our lives.

If you don't feel like celebrating, that's understandable. But let others come into our city and help us get back on our feet. Let's allow the one aspect of New Orleans that can really generate much-needed revenue to heal as quickly as possible. If we can do that, it'll be a healthier environment for us to get past our own pain.

This Racial Issue

You won't often see me get angry or critical. I try to be gentle, kind and fair, and I don't feel that I personally have any need to engage in controversial discussions. For the most part, many controversial issues are divided by a line that separates common sense from the misinformed. It's when I see something that is being misrepresented and is causing damage that I will speak up.

The racial issue that has become very inflamed since Katrina devasted the Gulf Coast is one of those issues. I'm weary of reading such articles as this one (this link may expire soon, it's a posted news article):

http://www.wwltv.com/local/stories/010706ccklrWWLnola.561e1943.html
By ERIN TEXEIRA / AP National Writer

Erin Texeira's articles are usually about ethnic issues and culture. But I'm right here in the middle of all this...I see what New Orleans is like. It's irresponsible and dangerous to try to inflame racial issues what that's NOT what is happening here. Erin and so many others want to make a racial issue of this. Much of the racism that exists in this area right now is because of this sort of exacerbation.

Erin writes that the black neighborhoods are the ones that aren't being rebuilt. Her article insinuates that black neighborhoods are being neglected in the rebuilding efforts ... because they're black. She says that Uptown and the Garden District are being rebuilt because they're predominantly white.

C'mon, Erin. Don't make the ignorance worse. I've been in those neighborhoods. First, Uptown and the Garden District are being "rebuilt" because the damage was a LOT less severe. The city MUST get back on it's feet and Uptown, the Garden District and the French Quarter are the areas that could resume more normal functioning a lot faster. The areas in question referred to as "black" neighborhoods (New Orleans East and the Lower 9th Ward), are going to take a lot of time, a lot of money, and a lot of effort to rebuild. She says in her article that MONTHS later (4 months) there is STILL no electricity, gas, water, or any other services in those neighborhoods.

Erin, it's not because those neighborhoods were black. It's because they were DESTROYED. It will take YEARS to get those areas functioning again. I've been there, I've driven through those streets. There is no repair that needs to be done. Everything has to be rebuilt from the ground up. It's GONE.

It's not because those neighborhoods were black that it will take a long time to rebuild. It's because nobody is really coming back to them. Who's going to run millions of dollars of power, sewer and gas to a dozen people? It's not because they were black. It's because the infrastructure that provides services to those areas was ruined and must be rebuilt.

Uptown and the Garden District are getting the attention because they can be repaired. These areas suffered exponentially less damage than the others. And in some cases where there was major repair or rebuilding, the residents could afford it.

Erin mentions in her article that the demographics of the rebuilding plan show predominantly black neighborhoods being recommended as last to be rebuilt ... if they're rebuilt at all. Erin (and the rest of you out there who want to inflame racial prejudices), it's NOT a division between black and white. It's a division between wealthy and poor, not race. That's very, very different.

Richer neighborhoods have residents who can afford to rebuild. Poorer neighborhoods do not. Richer neighborhoods, built by people who have money, grew in the most desireable areas of the city ... the higher ground that didn't flood. Homes for the wealthy are often built better because the owners can afford to build them that way. Anywhere a city has ever been built, the most desireable land has been settled by the people with more money, and less desireable lands settled by people who have less money.

It's the same in the New Orleans. Poorer neighborhoods developed where they did because the only land people could afford was the cheaper land in lower elevations. If anyone wants to criticize people for building in those areas, I'll likely break my rule of politeness and diplomacy, and tell that person to just shut up. People want to own land, and they will buy what they can afford. Personally, I think that one of the things that drew so many people here WAS the unique ethnic diversity ... the rich cultural mix that made New Orleans famous. People wanted to settle this area, deserved to settle this area, and made the best choices they could.

If you think those poorer neighborhoods were black because they were poor, or poor because they were black, that's a completely different topic.

The issue of rebuilding New Orleans is a delicate one because we're talking about people's lives here ... and the heartbreaking destruction of their dreams and ambitions and the fruits of their entire years of labor, regardless of their net worth or social status. But another reason the subject is so delicate is that people such as Erin Teseira will sometimes get confused and try to make a racial issue from something that is purely based on common sense and practical planning. Every day down here, I'm seeing racial tensions inflamed by the media when they're not necessary.

I'm not saying Erin's not a good reporter. In fact, I very much admire that she will tackle such difficult subjects and be an advocate for people when they truly ARE being discriminated against. I just feel that in this case, Erin's judgement, and anyone else who is trying to read racial issues into the rebuilding of New Orleans, is very misguided.

Racism exists. It's disgusting and it's ugly and I have no tolerance for it. But let's not try to create it where it didn't exist. The demographics of the rebuilding of New Orleans are based purely on the damage. And if most of the damage occurred in poorer neighborhoods, it's because that land in lower elevations was all those people could afford. It's the quality of the land that made the neighborhoods poor, not the color of the residents.

Despite my criticism of Erin's article, I very, very much applaud her efforts to make a difference in the important fight against the ignorance called racism. And I hope that, if she were to read my little blog here, that she'd realize I honor her by addressing this issue using her words as an example. Moths are attracted to the brighter flame ... ::Grin::

The truth is, her article really is just a good example of misconception. Let's not do injustice to the fight against racism by creating it where it doesn't exist. That is counterproductive.

Let's pray that the less fortunate are able to find their homes again in the places that they want. And I hope that the hurt and loss can fade into the past as soon as possible.

Miss Pity Paws

In the midst of difficult times, it's good to look for the little blessings...the little things that help you keep a good attitude.

About 3 1/2 weeks after Katrina hit, I got back to my home in Mid City New Orleans. I wasn't really supposed to be there; only residents of Uptown, the French Quarter and the Garden District were allowed back in, with proof of residency and ID. But I came in with two friends, one of whom lived uptown. His home was okay. So I drove from Uptown to Mid City and didn't encounter anyone trying to stop me.

I'll talk about that drive and my home another time ... this is about the little blessing. It's just a simple little story that may not be all that interesting to the reader. But the point of the story is how it made me feel.

By the time I got to my house, my friends and I were feeling pretty melancholy. There were almost no other people on the roads other than the occasional National Guard. The neighborhood I lived in was eerily silent. You don't realize how many sounds a bustling city has in it till they're gone. Everything was like a ghost town.

In a city known for it's lush vegetation and flora, there was barely anything green. Everything was dead and brown. I was in my back yard looking at the piles of debris and dead plant material when I heard a frantic little mewing. In the yard next door, there was a little kitten. She was nervous about us of course, but I was able to risk life and limb and climb over the fence (okay, I pretty much just stepped over it), and she let me pick her up fairly easily. Actually, by the time she overcame her nervousness, she almost climbed right up me.

I fell in love right away. She knew what she was doing...being flirtatious and combining just the right amount of vulnerability with aggressive independence. She completely won me over. I had some cat food with me because I was feeding cats for some friends, and she ate a huge bowl of food. She was obviously ravenous.

But she didn't want to TOUCH the water. I tried to imagine what it must have been like for her. She was just a little kitten; she'd probably only been a couple of weeks old when the floods came. My neighborhood was under 3 - 4 feet of water and she fended for herself somehow that whole time. The waters had only been subsided for a week or so when I found her.

Of course I took her home, though I knew I couldn't keep her at my mom's. A WONDERFUL friend agreed to adopt her, and named her "Miss Pity Paws."

Little MPP was fiercely independent, and I guess independently fierce too. She ate part of another cat (evidently she chewed part of the tail off), and generally wreaked havoc on my friend's house and other cats. But my wonderful friend didn't really tell me about all that till later ... she is sticking it out and is in love with Miss Pity Paws too.

As I was driving back home with this little kitten, I realized the blessing. In the midst of all this loss and sadness, this little kitten managed to stay alive. It's almost like she was an offering to me ... a life in the midst of all the death and destruction. She helped me leave New Orleans that day with something other than sadness.

What does New Orleans feel like right now?

I've had quite a few people ask me what it feels like in New Orleans now. I'm staying with my mom outside New Orleans right now, but I go into the city a good bit. There's a sense of unreality right now. I don't think people have had time to really absorb what's happened here. There's a lot of confusion. At times, we feel hopeful and excited when we see signs of normalcy returning. Then at other times, the sadness and sense of loss and desolation can take hold.

Much of that depends on which parts of the city you go into. If you stay in the French Quarter, Uptown, and the Garden District, it's easier to feel more "normal." But even in those areas, door after door is locked and empty. Homes are dark and unoccupied, and businesses are closed. Some are boarded up still. Others have been cleaned up but aren't reopened.

Many restaurants and shops are only open limited hours. There just isn't the clientele to support them full time, and certainly not the hired help. In the French Quarter, you can still hear music blaring from some doorways. But more of those are sound systems in little dacquiri stores than live bands in the nightclubs. And still...four months later, many of the people on the sidewalks are relief and construction workers.

Driving or walking down the beautiful avenues that used to be shaded by huge majestic live oak trees is also strange. At first, you're not really sure what looks wrong. The homes look pretty...the debris and refrigerators and such have been removed for the most part, and power is on in almost all these areas. Now and then you see signs of damage...the blue roof...the fallen tree trunk that's had most of its branches sawed off. But then you realize that the beautiful old live oak trees that used to reach their arms over the avenues are stripped of so many of their branches. The trees barely meet in the middle anymore...the lovely arches of branches and foliage are thinned out. So then you realize what's wrong. There's more sunshine hitting the streets and homes than there used to be. It's funny how that can make you feel sad.

So the result is surrealistic. You feel like you're in an episode of "Sliders" where you've slipped into an alternate reality.

But it's when you go into other areas that it's harder to feel normal. My home was in Mid City. The flooding and damage there wasn't as severe as the 9th Ward, Lakeview, New Orleans East and other adjacent areas. Some houses are habitable, especially the ones built high enough to escape the water. Others are gutted and may be rebuilt. Still others look as though they simply need to be torn down. But there's a silence in Mid City, and it feels as though this disaster happened 50 years ago and things have just been sitting like a ghost town ever since. On some blocks there are lights on in one or two houses. The people that I've talked to in those areas often feel isolated and lonesome. It's a hard area to be in and not feel depressed. Much of what we see looks as though it may never be restored.

When you go into areas such as the 9th Ward, New Orleans East, and Lakeview however, there's simply no way to feel anything even CLOSE to normal. The devastation is so complete...almost nothing escaped serious damage and almost everything is nearly completely destroyed. The effect is numbing. When I'm in those areas, I'm often just struggling to figure out what I feel. Other times I'm fascinated looking at the pickup truck smashed under a home...both lying destroyed in the middle of the street.

But then, for just a few moments at a time, it hits me and my throat chokes up and I realize that this is all dead. The thousands of people who lived, eat, slept and breathed here every day, have nothing left to come back to. These entire huge areas are a smashed husk that barely indicates the life that used to be here.

We don't know what to think here. There's no way to know what will really happen in the immediate future.

So we're all just waiting to see.

And in the meantime, we've learned something important...and wonderful. "Stuff" is just stuff. That saying "home is where the heart is" takes on such meaning, and we realize that what matters to us the most is each other. Cliches like "the kindness of strangers" can bring tears of gratitude to our eyes.

For me, I've learned that what matters most is what I carry with me. My heart and my love...and my hope and faith. With those things, I can build a life full of meaning and satisfaction...no matter what walls protect me (or don't) and no matter how that life is furnished.

I hope that everyone in this world can learn the value of that, if they haven't already. But I hope we can learn those lessons without the loss and pain that the good people of the Gulf Coast have suffered.

Lower 9th Ward

I haven't written in a couple of days...I thought I'd be writing a lot but once I started the blog and sat down to write, my head started spinning. ::Grin:: But I'll just write random topics till my head empties out. More soon. I just got back from visiting the Lower 9th Ward again...this photo is from very near the breached canal. See more pictures here The pics speaks for themselves, but I've written a few comments. This is what it looks like for the entire street, block after block after block.... (click on the pic for a larger one)

Click here for a video (Quicktime) This is just a short movie, no sound, that shows a typical street in the Lower 9th Ward. The point I'm trying to show is what you don't see when you see individual pictures. No matter where you turn, it's all destroyed. I'll be posting a longer more detailed video soon.

New Orleans and the Gulf Coast

I'm posting my thoughts mostly about the areas I'm familiar with, New Orleans and the immediately surrounding areas, because those are the areas I've seen and where I lived. But we should never forget that the entire Gulf Coast was ravaged by the hurricane and flooding. The media often makes it seem like New Orleans was all that was affected but in many cases, the devastation was even worse.

One Year ago today

One year ago today, more than 216,000 people were killed in 12 countries in one of the worst natural disasters we can remember...the tsunamis in the Indian Ocean. I remember when that happened I sat numb watching the news, trying to comprehend what had happened...what it must be like, and what the survivors felt seeing their world destroyed. When, three months ago I was able to see first-hand what it looked like in New Orleans, all those memories from last year came back. But in the midst of the desolation that had been part of New Orleans, the Indian Ocean wasn't a remote event anymore. I'd felt guilty that I'd been able to carry on my life a year ago and, for the most part, put the disaster in the Indian Ocean out of my mind. But the day I pulled my car off the road on Claiborne Avenue and finally cried...it was not just for New Orleans, but for those 216,000 people that lost their lives...and the millions more who lost their world, one year ago today.

Why am I starting this blog?

It's now 4 months since Katrina hit New Orleans and I've been living with my wonderful Mom in Baker, Louisiana. I'm one of the lucky ones...since I was a renter and didn't have a lot of important possessions, my losses are not worth mentioning when compared to so many other people's. But for these months I've compared what I've seen first hand in this area with what the media portrays, and I want to try to give people who aren't close to this area a better idea of what has really happened here. I know that unless you see this area in person, there's no way to really grasp what has happened here. That's expected. But I hope that if you're interested in reading this blog and seeing the photos that I'll be posting over the next days and weeks, maybe you'll get a sense of how this has impacted our lives here.

I hear so many people saying "things are getting back to normal."

Nothing could be farther from the truth. It will never be the same. What I hope to do here is give you a sense of what's really happened, and perhaps help make some sense out of all of this.

It's up to each of us individually to find the joy in the sadness and the lessons that can be learned from the losses. Many people have been hurt very badly, and their suffering is sad for us all. But I hope that eventually we can all move forward and live better lives because of what we learn here.

I'm an optimist, and I believe in the human spirit. There are some people who don't believe that...some people who many never find the good in this. All I can say is that I hope it's not true for those of you who wish to read this. And I hope that all of us can help each other through this and any other difficult times.

My subsequent posts will be varied in topic, and probably not particularly chronological. I will start this blog with the ability of readers to add comments. I reserve the right to remove any posts that don't help me achieve what I'm trying to do here...which is to present a realistic, intelligent viewpoint of what's happened here.

It's Christmas Day, and I send my love and blessings to everyone out there.